is this enough?

a few months ago I purchased a journal. I’ve kept it at arm’s distance ever since. i’m not gonna lie- it’s been rocky. & today, I feel this in my bones:

7-28-19

will I ever stop feeling this way? will the pain of existing ever stop? every moment is painful and nearly too much to bear. it seems like god isn’t listening… but I know that’s not the case because god doesn’t give up on people. right? maybe i’m a special case. no matter what I do i’m hurting those I love. existing. not existing. doesn’t matter. will the pain never end? i’m not strong enough for this.. the battle’s too much.

when is it okay to give up? how much pain does it take? is this enough?